DIFFERENT TYPES OF BOUNDARIES

Have you ever been in an argument and after about an hour ago just realized that well, you could have handled the situation differently in the first place itself? or Have you ever heard someone that they need some space to rethink about the current situation while the other person didn’t understand what the hell is going on and what is that person hiding from me ?

Let me tell you that everyone has been there and felt the same way. But why do we feel this way?

The main reason behind this is the lack of boundaries in the relationship. One thing we should always keep in mind that , there is no perfect relationship but we can make it work by including boundaries in those tough conversations.

Boundaries are our own personal limits. Each individual needs some space in certain aspects of their life. If you don’t keep these boundaries and make them clear with the people close to you then this might cause you feeling less worthy and depressed.

One of the main reasons why people are not aware about it is that we weren’t taught about boundaries by our parents or guardians. So it is each person’s responsibility to respect it and be aware about it whenever there is a point of disagreement.

So , how can we be mindful about it?

Firstly just understand different types of boundaries by identifying the triggers and the way the person reacts to the situation. Don’t argue with the other person , just give some space and let the other person talk whenever they feel safe.

There are 4 types of boundaries:

1. Emotional Boundary- When a person says “This isn’t the right time to talk , I am emotionally drained out” OR “I am just not in the right headspace to talk” understand the fact that they are trying to create a boundary and one should not forcefully invade it.
2. Physical Boundary- When one hears a person saying “I have had a really tough day and I cannot talk about this anymore. I need some rest” or “Please don’t touch me again” , take it as the person is creating a physical boundary and one should respect it and let the person talk about it whenever they want to.
3. Material Boundary- This is often misunderstood as “being possessive”. It sounds like “Don’t borrow my things without asking about it” OR “Don’t ever look into my closet without my permission”. First of all, one should always ask about such things and secondly recognize those triggers when the other person says it and don’t argue on that topic.
4. Resource Boundary- When one says “I can’t come now , I need some rest in the afternoon ,can I come tomorrow?” OR “I don’t have space right now , can I collaborate in future?”. In such cases , don’t force the other person to meet immediately by trying to eliminate those “excuses”. Deploying empathy and just try to understand the state of the other individual.

Also one should also practice to set boundaries with others so that they can get some space to think objectively so as to learn to respond rather than to react. They should put their own comfort level over other person. Because if you drain out energy all the time to make other person feel happy , it won’t help you physically as well as mentally.

So lets identify the triggers understand each other to live a better life and to serve others as well by keeping ourselves happy in the process.